Charlie Sheen Not Winning On Comedy Tour [VIDEO]

At the moment, we can say without fear of contradiction that CHARLIE SHEEN is NOT winning. Saturday was the kick-off to Charlie's "Violent Torpedo of Truth" tour in Detroit . . . and it was a COMPLETE BUST.

As you'll remember from previous posts and interviews - Charlie "The Masheen" is a volatile person full of gibberish...yet amazingly quotable!  Charlie was met mostly with resounding boos throughout the night . . . from those who didn't walk out in the middle of the show, that is.

The show died before Charlie even took the stage.  He sent comedian Kirk Fox out to warm up the crowd . . . and HE got booed off the stage.  Charlie actually came out during his set to try to calm them down.

(--Here's an example of one of his jokes:  "Shouldn't they call the defibrillator a difibra-now?")

As for Charlie's show, all the reports we're reading around the web suggest it was UTTER TRASH . . . with Charlie rambling, barely making sense and showing video clips nobody wanted to see.

Videos included clips from movies like "Jaws", "Dirty Harry" and "Apocalypse Now" . . . fan-made YouTube videos . . . and a video of Charlie playing "Call of Duty".  He also tried to show "RPG" . . . a short film he directed years ago featuring a young JOHNNY DEPP.  But he didn't even get to show the whole thing because people were booing it so badly. Charlie even summed up the night at one point by saying, quote, "Is anybody as confused by this (crap) as I am?  The good news is, I wrote every word." Charlie also showed that he has NO IDEA how to get on a crowd's good side.  Like when he admitted that they may have WASTED THEIR MONEY. He said, quote, "Tonight is an experiment.  You paid your hard-earned money without knowing what this show was about." At one point, he responded to the boos by saying, quote, "I already got your money, dude!" He also earned a nice round of boos by making fun of the very city he was performing in.  He said, quote, "I figured Detroit was a good place to tell some crack stories.

"Show of hands . . . who here has tried crack?   Forget that. Who is holding crack right now?  I don't do crack anymore, but I'm just saying."

Here's another line that didn't exactly get the audience behind him . . . quote, "Anyone who's yelling 'loser', or this or that, let's identify one thing . . . I have an app . . . So the app score is me one, [you] zero."  At one point he tried to shut them up by saying, quote, "Park your voices for one second and pay attention to the man you paid to see.  Tell the guy next to you to stop booing because he's ruining it for the rest of ya." It only took a quarter of an hour for Charlie to lose the audience.  People started leaving at around 9:15. Here's something else the audience didn't appreciate:  Somebody had the crowd expecting SNOOP DOGG to be at the show.  (--It's not clear where they got that impression.) But it's doubtful he was ever even planning on it, because he was in L.A. at the "Kids Choice Awards".  So instead, the crowd got SIMON REX . . . that dork who played Charlie's younger brother in "Scary Movie 3". About an hour and 20 minutes after Charlie hit the stage, he walked off and the house lights came up.  That was it.  Show over . . . without warning.

Here are some of the actual reviews of the show . . .

--"Entertainment Weekly":  "The padded and disjointed show was a hodgepodge of video clips and Sheen-isms that felt hastily assembled and misjudged the patience of even the hardest of hardcore fans."

--"Detroit Free Press":  "The audience got a spectacle, all right . . . a show from a controversial superstar who went from confidence to desperation.  Why would anyone pay to see [this] show?"

--"Hollywood Reporter":  "This thrown-together, insanely self-indulgent showcase merely reveals someone far more sad and delusional."

--E! News:  "So was it a winning performance?  Not so much."

After the show, Charlie hit up Twitter to put a positive spin on his failure.  He said, quote, "The most honest city in the world honors the most honest man in the universe #TruthTorpedo."

After the disaster in Detroit on Saturday night, CHARLIE SHEEN spent Sunday re-tooling his "Violent Torpedo of Truth" show.  As a result, last night's gig in Chicago went a lot smoother. For one thing, Charlie ditched the bad comedian and went on without an opening act.  He took the stage at about 8:30 and went until 10:00 P.M. The crowd was definitely on Charlie's side.  They even started a "Detroit sucks!" chant five minutes before he took the stage.  Charlie then kicked off the show with a poem about how Detroit sucks.

(--At one point in the show, someone yelled "Trainwreck!"  And Charlie replied, quote, "Go back to Detroit, dude.")

Another change from Saturday's show was that Charlie had a moderator on stage with him, asking questions and making sure there was some STRUCTURE.  And perhaps because of this, Charlie actually told some interesting stories this time. For instance, he revealed that he was supposed to be in "The Karate Kid", but his dad, MARTIN SHEEN, told him to do some lesser movie instead.  Charlie added, quote, "My dad has great advice."

(--"Karate Kid" came out in 1984.  That same year, Charlie was in theaters in "Red Dawn".  But the movie he passed on "Karate Kid" for was supposedly "Grizzly 2" . . . a horror sequel that remains unfinished and unreleased to this day. In addition to Charlie, George Clooney and Laura Dern were also in it.)

In another segment, Charlie referred to BROOKE MUELLER as a, quote, "kidnapper (B-word)" for taking his sons away from him. He talked about his first time smoking pot . . . which was with SEAN PENN'S brother CHRIS . . . who's dead now. He also talked about partying with MICK JAGGER and EDDIE VAN HALEN . . . and admitted he owes HEIDI FLEISS $2 million from when he utilized her PIMPIN' services. Asked why he has paid for sex, Charlie replied, quote, "Because I had millions to blow.  I ran out of things to buy." At one point, Charlie tried to get a girl in the audience to take off her shirt.  She didn't . . . but a rather husky gentleman DID.  For some reason, Charlie ended up trading shirts with the guy. Last but not least, Charlie said he WOULD go back to "Two and a Half Men" . . . although he called the people running the show BLOODSUCKERS.  He did give some love to JON CRYER, though.  He called him a ROCK STAR.  From what we're hearing around the Internet, the show still wasn't all that exciting.  But nobody booed at this one, and they actually gave Charlie a STANDING OVATION at the end.

For more info on what happened, watch this video report from ABC News.

[EW.com]