I’d like to say I’ve never owned an ugly Christmas sweater but I did.  I hadn’t heard the reference at the time.  I was a young man and had traveled home for the holiday.  One of the presents my dad gave me was a heavy sweater.  It certainly had some unusual design but, gosh, it was warm.  I ended up often wearing it on winter weekends for the next couple of years.  It coincided with a period of my life where I just couldn’t seem to build relationships with women.  Maybe it was simply a coincidence.

My First and Last Ugly Sweater

About the same time, I started reading stories about hideous Christmas attire.  About the same time, my ugly sweater wore out.  No photographs exist of me wearing the thing.  I can only say God was in my corner!

Nothing quite says "Geek!: like a hideous sweater. Picture by Bill Colley.
Oh, sure. This will get you a promotion! Picture by Bill Colley.

By the way, I’ll see some fine examples of the species at our company Christmas Party in a couple of weeks.

The thing is, as I grow older I really don’t care what people think of my looks.  My face and hair have grown shaggy and I’m comfortable in basketball shorts and a hooded sweatshirt.  The hoodie wraps around my pot belly.  But I’ve got to say, I would never, ever want to again be caught in an ugly sweater.

Is this for the bedroom? Picture by Bill Colley.
Uhh, no! Picture by Bill Colley.

There Were Worse Fads

When I was young I also used to wear argyle.  Often with matching socks.  What the heck was I thinking?

One other point.  Ugly sweaters are a luxury.  You buy one as a joke for a party.  You wear it only once a year.  Sheesh, the point of clothes is you get some utility from them.

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