I’ll be nice and won’t call you tourons.  They’re all visiting Yellowstone and getting mauled by bears and trampled by bison.  No, here in Twin Falls we get a much higher quality of visitor.  They leap from bridges and go boating without life vests.  Most visit Shoshone Falls and then head immediately for a full day of illegal parking at Centennial Park (I read it on rants and raves).

The lowland gorillas, poisonous vipers and crocodiles will make picnicking a miserable experience.

You should stay away from Centennial.  The lowland gorillas, poisonous vipers and crocodiles will make picnicking a miserable experience.  Oh, sorry!  Those are threats from an old Tarzan film, although.  You should know some of the people at the picnic shelters are more territorial than a great ape.

Speaking of crocodiles, James Bond once escaped some hungry alligators by running across their backs until he got to shore.  Then he blew up the bad guys’ hideout and took off on one of the best boat chase scenes in movie history.  I share this because there are days on the Snake River when the kayaks are as thick as the gators in Live and Let Die.  I’m told you could walk across the river without getting wet.

Traffic is also an issue.  If you’re a tourist from a big coastal city, there are no guardrails as you make your way down into the park.  There are people walking and people coming the other direction.  The latter are usually locals who surveyed the parking scene and decided they would come back on a weekday.  The locals don’t believe they own the road.  They just drive like it’s theirs.  Down the middle.  So as not to tumble over the side because of a lack of guardrails.

So, you see, Centennial Park is no place for the uninitiated.  Very, very dangerous.  Unless you’ve just come from Portland where you were dodging broken glass and Molotov cocktails.

If you can’t find the park, you can always ask a polite local for directions.  When you see the Burley exit, you’ll know you’re getting really close.

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